Why I'm an Awful Road Trip Partner

Time for a trip! There's nothing like the open road. Pack up the car and head out. Play some tunes and grab some snacks, it's time to get out and see the country.

This sounds great but if I'm coming you may want to think twice, especially if we're driving across the country. I have a few issues that may annoy my road trip partner. Before we leave there are a few things you need to know:

• I have trouble sitting still. I thought I would outgrow this, but at 36 it seems to be here to stay. Restless leg syndrome? It's more like an uncontrollable kicking habit. Sorry.
• I bore easily. Last year my wife and I drove up to upstate New York to visit her parents. This a 13 hour drive. I'm okay for 3-4 hours tops, then boredom sets in and I become impossible. I'm sure I could never be a truck driver, how do they do it? You...just.....sit.....there....and..... drive.....forever.
• I play with everything in the car. Especially if I'm not driving. I like to see if I can turn on the hazard lights unnoticed, or find the cheesiest songs on the radio. After I'm scolded I settle in and read the vehicle owner's manual in the glove box.
• I'm not the greatest conversationalist. I'm okay with my wife, but usually I run out of things to say after the first hour.
• At some point I have to reenact scenes from the movie Dumb and Dumber. It may be the running at an incredible rate scene, or singing mockingbird and asking if you want to hear the most annoying sound in the world. (You don't)

Okay so maybe it's easier if I drive. That way I'll have something to do. Driving keeps me occupied but after a few hours other issues may arise..

• I hate night driving. Maybe my eyes are too sensitive but the headlights blind me and I hate not being able to see the road up ahead.
• By mile 200 or so, I may start talking to myself or mumbling incoherently. I may not have much to say to the other person, but I will talk about nothing to myself for hours.
• I'm not a big fan of traffic. Someone passes you, gets in your lane and slows down. I hate that. Especially if it's a truck and then you have to stare at the back of a trailer for 50 miles.
• The interstate is so boring. bump bump, bump bump for mile after mile. When we go to the beach, I usually take the older, slower scenic routes. Even if you have stop lights and through traffic, it makes it so much more interesting.
• I'm also not a big city driver. Yes, I can admit it, if we go through a large city most of the time the New Yorker is going to drive. My wife is much more experienced in these situations (not to mention calm) and I have no problem relinquishing the wheel.

Either way I'm no fun on the road, although I think I'm getting better. I've noticed audio books can come in very handy. My wife and I are scheduled to make the New York trip for Christmas so I'd better start preparing (even though I may be spending Christmas alone after writing this.)

We will be taking the dogs so that could be interesting. We will all pile in the car, press play and head up the road. I hope we have enough treats.