Happy Hour - A Social Study

Walking into a bar during daylight hours is always interesting, but sometimes it can be like walking into a new dimension. No amateurs here, better have your game face on. Let's walk through it:

You step into the bar, It's dark and your eyes are adjusting so you almost walk right into someone. "Excuse me" you say. Focusing, you find yourself staring into the unsmiling face of the recession. He seems upset by your mere presence and would appreciate it if you could just drop dead. You apologize to the man who could be anywhere from 45 to 70 years old and move on. He mumbles something that not even United Nations could interpret. Trying to shrug off this encounter with a creature of misery you look for a place to sit.

You’re meeting some friends so you find a table and start watching the sports highlights.(If soap operas are on you are at the bar way too early) You take your seat and order a draft. Waiting for your beer you look around.

A few stools down from Mr. Personality is Divorce Lady. Divorce Lady is looking for the next score and she's no stranger to happy hour. Life has been very,very hard on Divorce Lady. Or maybe she's been very hard on life. Divorce Lady is clutching Marlboro Light 100’s that are in some sort of fake leather cigarette pack holder thing. She’s drinking highballs and will be here for the long haul. She’s waiting on her daughter who happens to owe her some money. Her daughter had better hurry. *There is nothing wrong with getting a divorce, or maybe two, by the third it's not them it's you.

Further down the bar we have Bookie guy. Bookie Guy is sitting at his usual seat at the bar with a legal pad and nursing a Miller Lite. He also has the remnants of his lunch he’s been nibbling on for the past couple of hours. Bookie Guy isn't drunk, he’s working. He’s got one eye on the phone, the other on Sports Center. Bookie Guy has a lot going on.

To your left, there’s the 1^st Class table. This group consists of business men who have cut out a little early on a Friday to enjoy a couple beers. This group could also include lawyers, bankers, or perhaps a doctor or two. They won’t be too long; most of them have dinner plans with family or a fund raiser to get to.

Back to the first guy, you know, the one who snarls at everyone. This guy is a character. He missed the boat on doing anything that could be confused with successful and has become the bar mascot. For the most part he’s harmless, although he will try to pay his tab with cigarettes so he must be watched. He may be with an acquaintance, but most of the time he’s flying solo. He’s been at the bar since 11, well yeah 11 years old, but also 11 this morning,

Somewhere in a dark corner, you may see Break up guy. Break up guy has just been dumped by the love of his life. Break up guy doesn't care about what he’s wearing or the way he smells. Break up guy is at the bar getting hammered and you may want to leave him be. *If Break up guy and Divorce lady cross paths, you will want to pay attention as it can be fascinating people watching.

As you watch Break up guy and Divorce Lady engage you feel a tap on your shoulder. Oh boy, meet Problem Dude. Problem Dude needs to borrow your phone. You see, Problem Dude lost his phone, well he didn't lose it, he lost the money to pay the bill. "My kid's mom man, she takes all of my money.." You give him the phone so you don't have to hear anymore. Then you realize he has most likely called his dealer from your phone. Nice.

Worrying about your phone, you notice the Shriners' table. These guys are all retired, most of them veterans. They come in at some point after lunch to get out of the house. They ask for one more round of PBR. *These guys have been drinking PBR since before you were born.

You finally get your phone back. Problem Dude thanks you, asks for a few dollars, then slinks off. He must have a cold or something because he keeps sniffing and wiping his nose. Oh well, checking your phone you hear a kid scream. What? It seems as if a young couple has come out to have a beer, they've aslo brought their kids. Great.

You're calling your friends just as they walk through the door.

"Wow, what happened to you?" They ask

"Never mind", You tell them, "let's go to my house, I've got ESPN, cheaper beer, and much more stable conditions!"

They take a quick look around and decide you're probably right.